Sweat poured off his face as his back peeled away from the bed sheets. The pounding in his chest sent a reverberation to his extremities. His eyes burned as tears rolled down his face. And there was a fog that simply wasn’t lifting. But the lavender fragrance of his wife’s hair conditioner, while she lay next to him, assured him that he was now safe. He sat awake for a while. His eyes adjusted and scanned the pitch-black bedroom for clues. For what clues he wasn’t sure. The bedroom seemed foreign to him.
Lost, he made his way to the bathroom. The bathroom was his haven when he couldn’t sleep. Insomnia had a way of leading him either there or to the kitchen. This night was a bathroom night.
To wake up, he splashed water on his face, but no matter how much water he splashed on his face, he couldn’t remember what had happened to him the night before. He huddled over the sink and let the cool water run over his fingertips. All the time, he didn’t dare take his eyes off what he saw in the mirror. It was a blur, but only where his face belonged. Blinking a few times to squeeze out the last tear drops from his eyes, he wondered if his vision was impaired. The cloudiness was still there. His reflection was of a man with no face. He began to wave his left hand slowly in front of his face. Like a pendulum his hand passed back and forth between him and the faceless blur that was staring right back at him. Whenever his hand intercepted the view of the blurry face, he could clearly see every freckle on the back of his hand. Then the smudge that was his face came back into view. Clear, fuzzy, clear, fuzzy.
Confused, he opened his hand wide. Staring at his palm he slapped himself in the face as hard as he could. The slap left a throbbing in his jaw that he had only felt once before. It had been years since he felt a hit like that, fifth grade to be exact. Adam Schneider, the biggest bully in the fifth grade punched his lights out. Why can I remember that?
“What the hell honey? What are you doing? It is 3 in the morning!” his wife yelled.
“Who am I?” he asked her as he continued to look at the blur in the mirror.
“Quit messing with me.”
“What’s my name? I’m not joking.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“No, really. I just need some assurance.”
“Assurance that you are not losing your mind? Are you ok?” she looked him in the eyes like he was joking.
Maybe I have lost my mind, he thought.
“Just say it,” he said.
“Ok, ********, can I go back to bed now? Please don’t stay up too long honey. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. And please quit being so weird.”
She walked back to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. He heard everything except his name. Like popcorn popping in a microwave, it made it completely inaudible.
Maybe I need a shower to realize this is all a nightmare. I have no idea who I am. I do know that she is my wife. He pointed to the door of the bedroom to reassure himself of this. That is the room that my wife is actually in. I look like a crazy person. Then he looked back at the shower. Not even remembering turning it on, a cloud of steam was already emerging over the top of the glass shower door.
With the steam came a vision, another memory. An amusement park ride that he loved as a child. How could he remember the water ride that began with a dragon breathing steam if he had lost his memory? Opening the shower door invited the vapor deep into his lungs. He allowed the hot water to scald his skin. As it ran over his back it made him feel awake. Even after all of that, his reflection in the shower door was still distorted just as it was in the mirror. His reflection was like a terrified child hiding from an imaginary monster.
From his toes to his neck, everything felt normal. Freckles were everywhere — even the diamond shaped birthmark on his shoulder was visible. But his face remained out of focus.
He suddenly went white and dropped to his knees. A light dizziness followed. The weight on his chest caused him to breathe faster and heavier. It was a marathon of the mind and he knew he was nowhere near the finish line. They would all think he was crazy. They would want to lock him away. He would surely be committed to a mental health facility. He barely knew that woman in the other room, but he knew everything about her at the same time. Contemplating his next move, he slowly got back to his feet and turned off the water. Coffee, I need coffee.
He dried off with a fancy cotton towel, the softest one he had ever felt, slipped into his pajamas, and looked down at some slippers. His vision failed him again. There must be a name or something written on them. Who has their name inscribed on their slippers? Rich people, important people, that’s who. Am I rich or important?
He hoped the woman — his wife — would remain in bed for the rest of the night. She would only talk about things he couldn’t remember. He knew it would take some time to remember his identity. If it were a dream, waking up could take even longer. There was a set of keys on the nightstand. He grabbed them, looked back at his wife lying in bed and made his way outside. No alarm was set. Maybe he forgot to set it.
He repeatedly pressed the lock and unlock buttons on the key until he heard a chirping coming from the street. The chirping grew louder until he paired the vehicle with his keys. It was a black sports utility vehicle. Inside the SUV, he checked the center console. There, he found a cell phone and a wallet. Immediately, he rummaged through all the cards in this wallet, leaving them scattered on the passenger seat. One was a state issued driver’s license. He focused on the picture. It was dark at first, but then he pressed the button that turned the overhead light on, above the center console. Once again, the photo and the name wasn’t visible. Dammit. It has to be mine.
He felt awake, but this could quite possibly be the worst dream he had ever experienced. The drive downtown felt like it took hours. There was a little coffee shop located between a pharmacy and a shoe store. There was familiarity to it. Maybe he was a regular. It opened at 5am and it was already five after. He walked inside and situated himself at a corner booth and stared at the front door like he was waiting for his answer to walk in. He tried to avoid all reflective surfaces. After scanning the room one more time, he relaxed his shoulders and slumped in the chair. He was exactly where he wanted to be until this episode passed, or he awoke, whichever came first.
“Are you going to order anything? If not I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” a waiter said.
“Yeah, here, coffee, black,” he said as he handed over the only card in his wallet that read debit on it, but his name was missing on that card as well.
“Nothing special? Extra whip? Shots of espresso?”
“Just black,” he said trying to get the worker to leave him alone. He ran his hands through his hair, grasping it in frustration.
“Ok, just like my dad,” the worker said as he took the card for payment.
Over the next few hours, the morning sun started shining through the front window of the business. There was heat on his face as he continued to sip on his now cold black coffee. Even after several hours, he had no answers to this nameless, faceless, mystery.
He watched as a towering middle-aged man wearing a nicely pressed black suit made his way into the coffee shop. The older man continued to walk straight to his table.
“Is anyone sitting here?” the older man asked. The older man wiggled into the chair opposite him.
“No, yes, I mean, you can sit there if you like.”
“I think I will. I’ve seen this all before son. You on drugs?” the older man asked as he framed him with his fingers and thumbs. The older man acted like a photographer trying to get the award-winning photo. He squinted his eyes for a moment, then he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a business card. He tossed it in front of him. “I can’t talk about it here,” he said. “You can call me James.”
“Memory specialist,” he read aloud to himself.
He couldn’t even ask one question before James silently stood up and walked back out the front door of the coffee shop. The tinkling of door chimes followed James’ exit from the shop.
Quickly running over to the door he peered outside, but there was no sign of James. He glanced up and down the street and as mysteriously as the night had begun, James was gone. He looked down at the business card in his hand and flipped it over. The back of the card had a date and time. Noon. July 6. You know the place. He sat there and stared at the message.
He was confused. He couldn’t even remember yesterday morning. How would he know “the place?” He sat in the coffee shop until he finished his cold black coffee and wondered if he had a head injury, a memory problem, or maybe a strange form of Alzheimer’s. It was sudden, and he was fairly sure that it wasn’t a dream anymore. If there was any way of regaining his memory, he knew he had to find it.
A few hours passed before he arrived at his home. The sun overhead was being covered by the clouds, and he saw his first airplane fly over for the day. Small things like that made him happy to be alive. For a moment he forgot his troubles.
“Where the hell have you been?” his wife screamed as he took one step onto the front porch. “The kids!” she shouted as she threw her hands up. “Are you ok? You missed taking them to school. I had to do it. I didn’t know where you were. I called and called. You didn’t answer. And you left the front door wide open. You never disappear like this! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.
He hadn’t thought about kids. He didn’t even know their names. Trying to zone her out, he pulled the business card out of his pocket and viewed the message again. He was now focused entirely on the message. His wife was just a blur, like his face in the mirror, or his name on the cards. I’m late.
“I have to go,” he said. It was almost noon. As soon as he got into the car, he drove to the outskirts of town. He was unsure of what made him stop. He looked at a sign on the street. Fredricksburg Park. He stopped there and noticed a trail that went right under a bridge, and under the bridge was a bench. The man parked his car and started walking toward the bench. Before he could sit, he could see James’ shadow coming toward him. He sat and waited for James to sit next to him.
“How is it going? Are you remembering anything yet?” James asked.
“No,”
“I see you found the place. I had a feeling you knew where to find me.”
“Just came to me.”
“They really got you good, didn’t they?” James said.
“They? Who?”
“Lean your head back. This is going to hurt a little,” James said as he pulled a tiny device out of his back pocket.
Before he could even think, he felt his teeth clattering and a painful tingle running down the back of his head. The tingle quickly spread into his neck and upper back. The fog lifted slightly.
“What’s your name?” James asked.
“G…G…Gary?”
“Thank god Gary!” James yelled in excitement. James gave him a huge hug. “I didn’t think it would work.”
“What? I know you?”
“Of course. You are my younger brother,” James said. “We’ve been trying for years to get you back. This time it might actually work!”
“Where have you been Gary?” his wife said as he neared the front door of their house.
“I met my brother today, and I am thinking about meeting up with him tonight as well. You know, for coffee.” A brother I cannot remember.
“What is wrong with you Gary?” she asked, arms crossed, and face scrunched.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Obviously not. You keep leaving suddenly, all times of the day and night. You are meeting up with your dead brother. Where are you going? What are you doing?”
“Dead brother?”
“Your brother? — He’s been dead for over twenty years Gary!”
Gary froze.
“Who have I been talking to then?”
“Either you are going crazy or it is someone else. What did you talk about with–your brother?”
“Not much really. He asked how you were doing.”
“I never met your brother. We’ve only been together for fifteen years. You have told me stories about him, of when you were children. You never talk about what happened to him after that. Hell, you don’t even own a picture of him.”
“Uh, yeah. My mind still isn’t right. I’m trying to fit things back together,” he said as he grasped his hair, hoping for some more of his memory to resurface.
“You look like you are on drugs.”
“I promise. I’m not on drugs,” Gary said.
“I don’t know what’s worse, drugs or crazy Gary.”
“Just give me some time to sort it out. I’m just tired. I need some sleep.”
“Ok, but if things don’t go back to normal, I want you to get checked out. You know? By a professional.”
“Sounds fair,” he said as he walked to the bedroom, kicked off his slippers and drifted away into nothingness.
His dreams were vivid. He could see himself, tying people to chairs. It was his duty to save them. The nameless people in his dreams had microchips in the back of their heads. Right at the base of the skull. He watched as he cut the microchips out with a sharp knife, cleaned them, and placed them back into the people’s heads. He was their savior. When he made eye contact with himself, he awoke.
The clock was showing eight p.m. He slept most of the day. It was a fact that his name was Gary. He remembered his wife’s name, his kids, and the conversation he had with his brother. The meetup with James was to take place in an hour, and he needed to go now.
The sun was beginning to set as he arrived at the coffee shop. James had claimed the same table from the morning.
“Now, you can talk to me here?” Gary asked as he sat down across from James.
“It was for your safety. I couldn’t have you freaking out in front of so many people when you remembered that your whole life was a lie.”
“My life, a lie?”
“Well, your family is not your family Gary.”
“What…What do you mean?”
“They were assigned to you. It’s their job to keep you in line Gary. Focused on their agenda.”
“Is that why my wife told me that you died over twenty years ago?”
“That’s a lie. If I were dead, how could I be speaking to you right now?”
“She said I don’t even own a picture of you. What happened between us that I wouldn’t want to remember you?”
“We went our separate ways a long time ago. After the government got to you. They reprogrammed your mind, changed your thoughts. They wanted you to forget everything, become a slave.”
“What did we do to make us so important to them and…and our government?”
“You don’t remember? Did you lock away those memories? Well, I would have. I would have trashed those memories a long time ago.”
“Why? What happened to me?”
“All you need to know are the facts, Gary. They altered your brain. They placed you with a family. And in some sort of social experiment that went terribly wrong, you forgot where you came from and all the good that we did for the people. We were brothers, a team and we stumbled onto some deep dark secrets involving some very, very powerful people– That’s when it happened.”
“What happened?’
“You disappeared. I didn’t know where you were for ten years. They didn’t want anyone to track you. Your new family either. They gave all of you new memories.”
“My kids look real. Are they mine?”
“Do they look like you? Of course not. They were planted there. Oh, they think they are your children, but they’re not. You raised them, but your whole family is part of this huge experiment.”
“You sound crazy, man!”
“I’m not the one who didn’t know who I was this morning, am I? I’m not the one who doesn’t know my past.”
Gary looked down at the ground. He had his brother back, but it was a brother he didn’t remember. It was as if his brother was erased from his memories. He also had his wife and kids in his life. He knew everything about them, but the government planted those memories. Why? What is my reality?
“I bet you are wondering what is real, right?” James said as he sipped on his coffee.
“What do I do?”
“You need to sleep on it. I will be in touch. Think about what I told you. Think about what your wife told you. Then make your decision. Are you with your brother or your wife? Which family do you choose? Remember, you can’t have it both ways. I will be here at nine a.m. sharp tomorrow, same table. Drop the children off at school and make your decision. If you are not here by nine in the morning, I will assume that you chose them over me. If you do, you won’t hear from me again. Of course, that isn’t awfully hard to do is it?” James got up and swiftly made his exit from the coffee shop for the second time that day.
Gary arrived at home. Exhausted, Gary walked into the house and saw his wife sitting in the living room chair. The music was soothing, jazz playing in the background, with a terribly upset wife staring at him.
“What’s wrong? I don’t know what’s been going on with me, but I had to clear my head. I got a coffee and now that I am home, I’m just going to sleep.”
She nodded, tears in her eyes. He walked to the bedroom. The bed was still unmade from his afternoon nap, so he slid under the covers. Still wearing his pajamas, he shut his eyes. And then they opened. The doorbell rang making him jump out of bed. He quickly slid on his slippers. As he looked down, he could see “Gary” was written on them.
Gliding across the living room to the front door, he viewed his brother through the peep hole. Then he opened the door.
“Come in,” Gary said.
James walked in and made himself comfortable on the sofa.
“We need to talk,” James said.
“I thought we were going to meet in the morning?”
“That was three days ago. What’s going on with you?”
“I must have slept for a while,” Gary said.
“That is why I am here. I know you probably didn’t want to see me, but I have some questions and it’s important that I get honest answers.”
“Go ahead, ask me anything.”
“Where are your wife and kids?”
“They should be here, somewhere. Unless they decided to go out or something,” Gary said.
“Do you mind if I look around?”
“Go ahead, I mean, you don’t know them. But I guess that’s ok.”
“I know them very well,” James said as he slowly snaked through the hallway, peering into each bedroom. When he reached the very back, where the family room was, his eyes widened, and jaw dropped.
“What the hell Gary!” he yelled. “Why is your family tied up back here?”
“They’re tied up? I didn’t tie them up,” he said as he ran to the back, only to see his wife answering with a nod, tape around her mouth.
“You said they weren’t my family, James,”
“Why the hell are you calling me James? What’s wrong with you, Gary?”
“You told me to call you James. You told me you were my brother.”
“Gary! Your brother James was the only James in your life, as far as I know, and he has been dead for over twenty years! We’ve been friends ever since he died.”
At that moment, Milton remembered watching the SWAT team kill Gary’s brother. He remembered like it was yesterday. Being a young officer, it was the first and only time he was involved in a hostage situation, until now. James had people tied up, just like Gary had his family, bound to chairs. He remembered the look of terror on James face when he was put down like a rabid animal.
“You know me. I’m Milton. Milt. All along, you were the one that kidnapped those people, weren’t you? Your brother was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I don’t remember anything,” Gary said. “What about the business card you gave me that said memory specialist?”
“What are you talking about? The business card you were looking at when I met up with you at the coffee shop?”
“Met up with me, I had never seen you before that moment. And you say we have been friends for years?”
“You called me in the middle of the night. You wanted to meet up at that coffee shop. And you weren’t looking well when I arrived, so I told you we should meet at the park bench. The same one where we ate lunch together countless times after your brother died,” Milton said.
Gary froze and, in a panic, his breathing grew heavier. He began sounding raspy and a tingling sensation began to pulse throughout his body.
“I don’t remember anything,” he whispered this time.
“This is a convenient time not to remember anything. Let your wife and kids go, Gary!”
“I can’t!” he screamed.
Sweat was now pouring from his face. And the look of panic turned into a look of emptiness and anger. He stared around the room trying to piece things together. He was grabbing for random memories, trying to hold on to anything he thought could help him. His eyes shifted for a moment, until he focused on Milton’s eyes.
“I understand everything Milt!” There was a rage running through him, and just like that, everything became familiar. “It feels really nice to be back in control. I know everything about them,” Gary said in singsong as he pointed at his family and cackled.
“What the hell are you talking about man? Of course you do, that’s your wife and kids for fucks sake.”
“No, they are not my wife and kids. They are part of the system. They were assigned to me. And it is my responsibility to reprogram them,” Gary said as he glanced at the terrified group.
“Again man, what the fuck are you talking about? Reprogramming? That is fuckin crazy talk.”
Gary looked to the right as a shadow quickly passed over the outside of the window. It was the second shadow that he saw clearly, a silhouette of a man running by.
“You have a choice now Gary. You haven’t killed anybody, your brother made sure of that. He protected you,” Milton said.
“I’m not going to kill anybody. I just want to reprogram them. You see their brain chips need to be cleaned. When it’s over, they will be like me. Wasn’t Eve created in Adam’s image? Women in men’s image. Something like that right? My family needs to be in my image,” he said. His eye twitched rapidly as he pointed at his family.
Gary pulled out a large kitchen knife that he had put in his right pajama pocket days before. He stared at his tied-up family, pondering his next move.
At the same time, Milton kept his eyes on the family that he had grown close to over the years, and Gary with his knife. Without hesitation, Milton charged him, even though he knew he couldn’t avoid the knife or the impact. He slapped at Gary’s outstretched arm as the knife shoved into his right shoulder. Gary fell backwards, smashing his head into the hard, white tile. Bleeding and in pain, Milton lay on top of Gary, trying to pin him down with all his weight, knowing all their lives depended on it.
In a moment of confusion again, Gary wondered how he ended up on the floor. There was blood soaking his shirt and a man lying firmly on top of him. As he tilted his head to one side, he saw three sets of eyes staring back at him. There was a crashing sound and the echo of shattering glass on kitchen tile resonated throughout the house. Looking up, he watched as the limp stranger was staring down at him with a satisfied smile. Then, Gary watched as a man in full tactical gear rushed down the hall, from the kitchen, toward the bloody scene. Clueless about what was going on around him, he couldn’t help but glance at the mirror on the wall to his right. He stared at the mirror for a moment. The reflection was of a man’s body on the ground, bloody, with a blurry face.
“Who am I?” he weakly asked before he felt a clunk on his head, followed by blackness.
Originally posted on ryanbarnardstoker.com AUGUST 14, 20206:40 AM
Copyright © 2020 by Ryan Barnard-Stoker
